First off, the Christmas event was terrifying. Orrin did a wonderful job idea-wise of organizing it. I think the execution will be much better next year. What I want to focus on is another theme, however–my literally being physically attacked. Given the context of this entry I will focus on youth and young adults but what I aim to describe is in no way limited to these groups or populations. Something is wrong with “the people” in general. And for a greater context, much of what I will describe triggers me to remember Andrew. There is a notable menacing quality to the behaviors I have witnessed.
The behaviors as a whole can be described loosely as immoral and mischievous. There is a quality of something that could be interpreted as playfulness in a sane individual yet it is coming through them as a direct attempt to cause and spread misery. I still hold firmly that these are sensory issues. I do believe it is mental retardation.
The physical attacks at the Christmas event were targeted. Deliberate. And had a kind of “sneaky-out-in-the-open” essence. A snowball was thrown at my neck with a force meant to break it by someone Rashawn and Jarvas refused to name. Another was thrown by Bryson’s nephew, aimed directly at my abdomen. Both attacks were anatomically specific, actually: “Intentional disruptions of my core”. Attempts to separate me from a sense of safety and strength within my body. This mirrors the specificity of Audrey’s actions: dragging her finger from below my navel to my breastbone, like she was “unzipping me”; screaming over me claiming sudden extreme sleepiness; that hideous Christmas card and; the whole summer camp “attention grabbing” game. It feels like coordinated, animated assault.
These are trends that I have noticed depicted on television and in social media so these mediums could easily be thought to be the cause of it, referencing it as the place they are learning such power plays, however, I firmly believe that something else is wrong here. They are exhibiting life- sucking behaviors or “energy” stealing attempts that might be better understood through demon-psychology and human parasitism. It is also vampiric.
Sadly, it very much aligns with what the “anime” generation is putting forward. Not that anime itself is problematic. What IS problematic is the utilization of animated tactics in the real world to harm real people.
This also makes me think of this whole “aura farming” thing people have been chanting about. What makes ‘aura farming’ particularly insidious isn’t the behavior itself – it’s the vocabulary. The fact that they have a name for it! A casual, normalized, almost playful name. Which means the extraction isn’t accidental. It isn’t unconscious. They KNOW that they’re stealing energy. They just don’t consider it to be wrong.
Coupled with all of these strange physical and psychological behaviors, on Audrey’s face, as well as the kid who threw the snowball at my abdomen, the large kid who I can only assume would’ve been the only kid able to throw a snowball at me with that force and a host of others is a bizarre, confused and strange look. What truly makes this hard to describe is that the confused look actually portrays the complete lack of confusion-it’s something predatory or of a villain.
What makes their faces nearly impossible to accurately describe is the same thing that makes them impossible to mirror: you’d have to BE them to wear that expression naturally.
The grin is easy enough to name. The slanted eyes, the low gaze – those too. The forward head, shoulders hunched and squared like something preparing to strike. The held breath. Or absence of breath entirely. But the SMILE. That’s where language fails. It’s not performed. It’s not forced. It’s the resting expression of something fully committed to causing harm. No internal conflict distorting it. No conscience pulling at the edges. Just ready to attack.
I have been able to reconstruct the architecture of the face. I cannot, however, reconstruct the vacancy behind it that makes the smile so effortless.
On the plus side, what I’m also tracking: deterioration. Mental exhaustion specific to losing access to me as a regulatory anchor. Not exhaustion like a thinking person might experience. This is more like withdrawal.
They’re losing the ability to hold themselves together without using me to do it.
That IS the delusion. That IS the complete break with reality.
So, are ‘they’ Weapons? Are these the NOS4A2 children? Should socialization be approached differently?
And, how the hell should Americans celebrate Christmas?
The Quellwell 
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